I don't know. And that's ok.

As I write my first blog post in what seems like forever I notice I'm at 999 views.  Hopefully this takes me over the 1,000 mark......

I have felt the need to write this after hearing the discussion of gay marriage and whether its right or wrong be at the forefront of many of our lives.  There have been viral blogs from people about it that were extremely well written and of which I mostly agreed with.  There was even a reply to that blog written by another USF student about why she did not agree with gay marriage and what this discussion is doing to the church.  I agreed with that blog as well.  Here's where I'm going with this.

I don't know what I think about whether being gay is a sin or not nor do I know where I stand on gay marriage.

Wait for it, this may come as a shock.

Not knowing is ok.

People who are pro-gay marriage and who do not believe it is a sin; don't look down on me for being closed minded and too "right-wing", because I don't know what I think yet.

People who are anti-gay marriage and who do believe it is a sin; don't look down on me for going against the Bible and being a "left-winged nut job", because I don't know what I think yet.

It seems as though society as forced Americans to be on one side or the other in this argument.  That not knowing what you believe yet obviously means that you're taking the opposite viewpoint as theirs.  I'm sick of it.

Here's a frequent conversation that goes on in my head as I try to hash out the details of my beliefs here.
(The following text is an excerpt from my inner being arguing with itself.  If you can follow it, you should let me know to see if you understand it better than I do).

Does the Bible talk about homosexuality as a sin?  Yes it does.  Does the Bible talk about being stealing, lying, coveting and many more things as sins?  You bet it does.  Is a sin a sin?  Sure is.  So why is it that being gay is that much more of a sin than anything else?

If being gay isn't a choice and you are born gay, then why would God create someone to be an inherent sinner?  Well, we're all inherent sinners, but why does this affect the very core of their being?  Something like 1/3 of all teenage suicides have to do with sexuality.  Why would God create people like that if it were wrong?
(Then my mind goes here)

Maybe God created gay people the way they are in order to draw them nearer to Him.  I've heard many stories about gay people who are celibate their entire lives.  This means that those people rely entirely on God for those intimate moments.  For those times that they want someone physical to hold and to be with, they go to God.  What's so bad about that?  Some would say that it isn't fair to those gay people then that they get no human intimacy on earth.  Who said God would ever adhere to our definition of fairness?

Being in a relationship where you are sexually active outside of marriage is the same thing as being in gay relationship.  It's a sin and to gently paraphrase NBA analyst Chris Broussard, "if you're living an openly homosexual lifestyle or a heterosexual lifestyle where you're having pre-marital sex, it is an open abomination to God."

But what if our understanding of the Bible is off?  Many of the passages that people quote are either in the Old Testament which we are not bound to anymore by Christians, or talk about "unnatural relations" or something to that effect.  What if those "unnatural relations" actually means that gay people are having sex outside marriage?  What if the term "unnatural relations" (or whatever your translation of the Bible uses) actually means being engaged in ANY pre-marital relations?

---Confused yet?  Because I sure am after all that goes through my head.  If you actually read all of that and can come to some sort of concrete belief, I'd really appreciate you telling me how you got to that concrete belief system.

One funny thing I have to post here that is a complete tangent and makes no sense is a semi-quote from a video that Anne Wentworth posted on Facebook a while back.  It was in another country (I think England) in a hearing or court proceeding of some sort talking about gay marriage.  The man said this, "I once heard a Catholic Priest tell me that gay people are engaging in an unnatural act.  That sounds kind of funny coming from someone who has been celibate all of their lives".



My conclusion to this whole rambling blog post is this.  I don't know what I believe yet.  I'm still figuring that out.  And that's ok.  What I do know is that until I figure out what I believe, I'm going to continue being friends and loving those gay people in my life.  Even after I figure out what I believe, I'm going to continue to do that.

Let me, and others who are like me, figure out what we believe before you persecute us for not taking a stand.

--After this all my thoughts become pretty jumbled, but hopefully you get the jist of what I'm saying here.

Whoa, this thing still exists?

779 page views.  This thing is still here.  Kind of miraculous that the views have grown even though I haven't written anything in forever.

I'm sitting here at a coffee shop....  Wait wait, I'm sitting here at the coffee shop also known as Coffea.  I'm watching my beautiful fiancée close down the shop here.

I wanted to reflect upon the last few days and how the election seems to bring out the worst in people.

Disclaimer:  I am a registered Democrat who votes with whatever candidate aligns with most of my views.  I will change my voter registration to whichever party has the more interesting Presidential primaries, and I tend to put more emphasis on the majority party in both houses of Congress than I do on the Presidential election.

I am beyond sick of seeing and hearing people talk about leaving the country because President Obama was elected to a second term.  Ladies and gentlemen, if we ran and hid until we got our way, where would we be in life?  That is not the answer.  Now, I'm aware probably 98% of those people were kidding, but seriously, lets think for a minute.

The thing that bothers me most about this election is the fact that a lot of people were talking about how God needs to "save us" from this.  And America made a "stupid decision".  Well I have news for you people.  First off, America made a majority decision.  That's the joy of a democracy.  Secondly--God. Ordains. Governments. (Whatever that means).  Just because President Obama is in office doesn't mean we cannot continue to serve our Lord and Savior.  In fact, some of the things the President Obama wants to do will make it easier to do so!  Ladies and gentlemen, this post may be rambling, but I feel as though thats ok--its kind of the nature of politics.

Long story short--trust in God.  Trust in His perfect plan and His faithfulness.  This country will survive.  We always have, and we always will.  If we continue to look to the One who gives life, we will never fail.  We will run and not grow weary and all that other good Isaiah stuff.

Look up.  Look to the light.  Look past the head of our government to the head of the entire world.

God is in control people.  Even if there is a "muslim" in office.

Transitions

Today was a fairytale.

Lord, did I just use a Taylor Swift song as a reference? (for the record, I only know that song because it is on SongPop and I never, EVER, get it right.)

Seriously.

Today started with an amazing service at The Ransom.  That place has forever changed the way I worship and view churches.  Today, Phill said something that I will never forget.  It was something to the tune of, "come on people, lets own our bitterness".  It really hit me.  Seriously, lets own the things we are bad at.  Come right out and say them.  When they are kept inside, it not only hurts you but those around you.  It's so simple, but so true.

Work followed church, which was mediocre at best.

But then, I got to go to LifeLight with the love of my life.  We sat at the Main Stage from about 3:30-5:30 just waiting to see our favorite band, Leeland.  In the process, we heard two other great bands that led us in amazing worship.  Top that off with the always amazing and worshipful Leeland and you have yourself one heck of an afternoon.

When that was said and done, we came back to USF to chill for a while and just now got finished packing Esther up to move to USF tomorrow.

That is what this rambling, probably incoherent blog post is about.  Transitions in life.

Transitions in life are some of the things that can make or break us.  The way we take the changes can effect the story we will tell the rest of our lives.

Some transitions are easier than others.  Some are simple, yet others are as complicated as possible.  A family I know recently went through the loss of their son, brother, and grandson.  I can't imagine a tragedy like that and how I would react to it.

To see so many different transitions in many people's lives brings me to be in awe of our God and Creator.  It sounds cliché, but seriously, God has His hand on all of this.  In all of life, we can look and find God somewhere in amongst the texts, e-mails from Alex Heinert, and seemingly unbearable homework.

Stop, and look at the beautiful things in life that God has put amongst the stress.  Sometimes, you have to pick them out from what seems like a hopeless situation.  But don't give up!  Finding evidence of God's faithfulness is something that is so beyond anything words can say.

Keep working people (ha, like I have people)

We can do this.

What a strange feeling

I just learned that a guy who graduated 4 years behind me from Canton died in a car accident early this morning.

I never really knew him that well or had any interactions with him.  He had a sister that was a year older than me in school and I guess I knew her better than I knew him.  There wasn't much familiarity with anyone outside of names and what they were involved in during school.  

But when I heard about it, I was immediately struck with sadness.  I watched this guy play sports with my brother throughout his career and through that got to know his dad and mom pretty well.  

The family is in a tough situation.  Their son just died, and their grandfather--legendary South Dakota High School football coach Burdell Coplan--is not doing well either.  This family is in immediate need of prayer.

This blog has almost 550 views.  I'm not sure who is reading it.  But if you're reading it, please lift up the Kroger family in your prayers.

Not what I thought

It's been a long time since I've posted anything here.

Mostly because I have started to student teach.

I can't even tell you how tiring it is to teach all day.  I never thought it would be so tiring, both emotionally and physically.  But, nevertheless, it is.

I am at an elementary school in the mornings and a middle school in the afternoons.  The elementary is something I never thought I'd do.  But, I was wrong.  It's something I would never do, EVER.  Holy crap is it not fun at all for me.  I'm so into making music and doing higher level music that this elementary "exposure" to music thing is not my cup of tea.  It's easy and all, but it's just a bunch of moving and dancing and singing in one part.

I know everyone has to start somewhere, but the start is not the place for me.

What excites me about student teaching is the fact that I get to be at Lincoln High School for about 8 weeks.  It will be a great experience to be and a High School that has choirs only.  I'm yearning for a choir like nobodies business.

All of this student teaching stuff has been combined with still working at RadioShack and having my boss not realize that I have something that takes so much out of me that I am almost worthless working my 6-9 shift after school.  The people that work at that place are very much into RadioShack as a company.  I think the people that run RadioShack are the reason our nation is in debt.

RadioShack is making quite a bit of money.  We sell mostly component parts and cables.  Ask anyone in electronics, those are the products that we make the most money on.  So, from what I gather, we make pretty good money for the company, but are only being paid $7.25 an hour to do everything.

Bottom line, don't ever work there.

This turned into a great ranting post, but, what can ya do.

Life gets hard

Life gets hard.

If someone told me that when I was 5 I would have laughed and went and jumped on my bed or something.

If someone had told me that when I was 15 I would have said something like, "yeah, you try living through middle school."

Now that I'm realizing that life actually does get hard, and stress can sometimes overtake you to where you are acting very rudely to even those closest to you, I'm so thankful for my God.

Today, a large change happened.  I had to move in with my roommate again for the school year.  I love my roommate, but he has to get up for work at 7, which means he'll go to sleep at around 11 at the latest.  Me on the other hand, I go to sleep at about 11 at the earliest.  This will be interesting.

Another new change is coming.  In a week and a half I start student teaching.  To add to that stress, I have another placement.  This means that I will be in an elementary school for the morning and a middle school for the afternoons.  And that's just the first half of my placement.  For the second half, I will be at Lincoln High School actually doing what I want to do; upper level music.

And to top it all off, add this to the stress pile; a job where I'm expected to essentially be a manager with more hours than I could ever want to work.

All of this stress has shaken me pretty solidly.  However, this afternoon, I sat down and prayed harder than I've ever prayed.  God answered me right away--not with some crazy James Earl Jones esque  voice--but with an overwhelming sense of calm that says, it's going to be ok.

Yeah.  It's going to be ok.

Unforgettable

Tonight, was one of the greatest nights I can remember.  Oddly enough, it started out with the potential to be one of the worst nights ever.

Today, both Esther and I had awful days at work.  We both felt restless and actually debated upon doing something illegal just to fulfill our restlessness.  After much sitting and thinking of things to do (the most illegal thing we thought of doing was sneaking into the Palisades to climb rocks--I know, we're rebels) we ended up having a long conversation about how we are both restless and we both aren't feeling ok.

It ended up with us praying together for around 40 minutes.  This wasn't your normal prayer.  Let me tell you, randomly feeling the power of the Holy Spirit in an impromptu prayer in your dorm room is something that everyone should experience.  During this prayer, something in me just told me to sing "Forever Reign".

This song, made both of us break down and cry.  There is so much truth in that song.

This is all sort of choppy and strange sounding, but that is because I am in awe of the power of God.  I cannot explain what I am feeling, but I'm so very thankful that I have a God that meets me exactly where I am, even if it's a dorm room.

You are good, You are goodWhen there's nothing good in meYou are love, You are loveOn display for all to seeYou are light, You are lightWhen the darkness closes inYou are hope, You are hopeYou have covered all my sin
You are peace, You are peaceWhen my fear is cripplingYou are true, You are trueEven in my wanderingYou are joy, You are joyYou're the reason that I singYou are life, You are life,In You death has lost its sting
Oh, I'm running to Your arms,I'm running to Your armsThe riches of Your loveWill always be enoughNothing compares to Your embraceLight of the world forever reign
You are more, You are moreThan my words will ever sayYou are Lord, You are LordAll creation will proclaimYou are here, You are hereIn Your presence I'm made wholeYou are God, You are GodOf all else I'm letting go
Oh, I'm running to Your armsI'm running to Your armsThe riches of Your loveWill always be enoughNothing compares to Your embraceLight of the world forever reign
My heart will singno other NameJesus, Jesus
Oh, I'm running to Your armsI'm running to Your armsThe riches of Your loveWill always be enoughNothing compares to Your embraceLight of the world forever reign