Opened my Bible tonight. This is what I looked at right away. There are things I need to be able to forgive myself for.
2 Corinthians 2: 5-11
If anyone has caused grief, he has not so much grieved me as he has grieved all of you, to some extent--not to put it too severely. The punishment inflicted on him by the majority is sufficient for him. Now instead, you ought to forgive and comfort him, so that he will not be overwhelmed by excessive sorrow. I urge you, therefore, to reaffirm your love for him. The reason I wrote you was to see if you would stand the test and be obedient in everything. If you forgive anyone, I also forgive him. And what I have forgiven--if there was anything to forgive--I have forgiven in the sight of Christ for your sake, in order that Satan might not outwit us. For we are not unaware of his schemes.
To me, this passage means that people should forgive people blah blah blah yeah we all get that. But there is something else that hit me about this. The punishment inflicted on him by the MAJORITY. What is the majority? The majority of people? The majority of his family? To me, the majority could easily be the punishment he inflicts on himself. Too often, people put the punishment on themselves that they shouldn't. I am no different.
I'm not a Bible historian, but from what I know, the letters from Paul were written to these people in hopes of helping them. I know this is a passage for a group of people. But tonight, it has hit me as a passage for one. I need to be able to forgive myself for things just as much, if not more, than having other people forgive me.
Monday, June 25, 2012
Sunday, June 24, 2012
Back in the day
I want to live back in the "old days".
What are the old days? I suppose that phrase means different things to different people, but I mean the 1940's-1950's. This was the day when a man's word meant more than the $100 deposit on a cell phone.
I just got done watching an episode of Law and Order SVU that indirectly dealt with a few old thieves and their enemies. These kind of people fascinate me. In modern portrayals (based off of descriptions and writings about the actual people I suppose) all of these men seem to be model citizens--never missing a child's event, attending church, donating to charities, working a "blue collar" job. However, their actual lives are filled with deceit, danger, and death.
Some of these men were even more powerful than the police. I don't mean to say that this notion of being "above the law" is a good thing, but the men that took that title were some of the most powerful men in the country. The police wouldn't touch them and as long as no one got in their way, the general public had no idea what was going on.
The thing that makes me want to live in this time period is the fact that this time period is (aside from WW2) one of the more profitable times in US History. Is this because these men used their power--moral or not--to "stimulate" the economy more than the government could ever do? It would make sense to think that way. The government has recently shown that certain corporations are too big to fail, so why not have people above the government that say this town, state, or country is too big to fail? Now, I'm not saying we need to go back to the mobster feel of the big cities of the United States because that's not realistic--and in fact we're still in that era, the "mobsters" are just drug dealers now. But, maybe if people decided that this country was too big to fail, the government wouldn't have to.
What are the old days? I suppose that phrase means different things to different people, but I mean the 1940's-1950's. This was the day when a man's word meant more than the $100 deposit on a cell phone.
I just got done watching an episode of Law and Order SVU that indirectly dealt with a few old thieves and their enemies. These kind of people fascinate me. In modern portrayals (based off of descriptions and writings about the actual people I suppose) all of these men seem to be model citizens--never missing a child's event, attending church, donating to charities, working a "blue collar" job. However, their actual lives are filled with deceit, danger, and death.
Some of these men were even more powerful than the police. I don't mean to say that this notion of being "above the law" is a good thing, but the men that took that title were some of the most powerful men in the country. The police wouldn't touch them and as long as no one got in their way, the general public had no idea what was going on.
The thing that makes me want to live in this time period is the fact that this time period is (aside from WW2) one of the more profitable times in US History. Is this because these men used their power--moral or not--to "stimulate" the economy more than the government could ever do? It would make sense to think that way. The government has recently shown that certain corporations are too big to fail, so why not have people above the government that say this town, state, or country is too big to fail? Now, I'm not saying we need to go back to the mobster feel of the big cities of the United States because that's not realistic--and in fact we're still in that era, the "mobsters" are just drug dealers now. But, maybe if people decided that this country was too big to fail, the government wouldn't have to.
Tuesday, June 19, 2012
A day to remember
It was one of the hottest days of the summer so far and Esther and I braved the heat to be the adventurers we are. On this day, we would tackle the treacherous terrain of Newton Hills State Park. Newton Hills was a place I often visited as a child, tramping all over the place as if the place was some sort of haven for active little boys like myself. Since then I haven't been a nature person, however, for some reason, I absolutely love being outside with my best friend.
We started down the first trail--a downhill, winding dirt path that eventually led me to the realization that we were parked in completely the wrong area. After that mini-fail on my part, we got parked in the correct place in order to take full advantage of our collective sense of adventure. We meandered down Turkey Trot Trail--a one person wide, easy walk. It was such a fantastic time. We simply walked, talking at our leisure and finding our British friends (who looked suspiciously like trees) and a toad (or a twig) along the way.
The highlight of this day was the lookout tower. Walking up to it, I immediately thought, "Hmm, I swear this used to be taller." We quickly climbed the two stories to the top and looked out over the vast sea of leafy green treetops in front of us. As it often happens with us, conversation just started flowing. There isn't a thing we can't talk about. The wind was blowing all this while, sometimes annoyingly loud. We took it in stride however, urging the wind that it was ok to calm down. Whether by our words or just some coincidence, the wind always subsided and we continued our conversation. At this point, it seemed like the breeze was there just as our own personal air conditioner--turning it on and off with our voices. An hour or so later, we descended the tower and headed home.
A simple day to most that meant more to me than could have possibly been known. Conversing with the beautiful woman next to me while walking through a forest of trees and bushes was absolutely perfect. We didn't have to to anything but walk and hold each others hands, taking in God's creation while basking in the creation He has made and is continuing to build in our hearts.
We started down the first trail--a downhill, winding dirt path that eventually led me to the realization that we were parked in completely the wrong area. After that mini-fail on my part, we got parked in the correct place in order to take full advantage of our collective sense of adventure. We meandered down Turkey Trot Trail--a one person wide, easy walk. It was such a fantastic time. We simply walked, talking at our leisure and finding our British friends (who looked suspiciously like trees) and a toad (or a twig) along the way.
The highlight of this day was the lookout tower. Walking up to it, I immediately thought, "Hmm, I swear this used to be taller." We quickly climbed the two stories to the top and looked out over the vast sea of leafy green treetops in front of us. As it often happens with us, conversation just started flowing. There isn't a thing we can't talk about. The wind was blowing all this while, sometimes annoyingly loud. We took it in stride however, urging the wind that it was ok to calm down. Whether by our words or just some coincidence, the wind always subsided and we continued our conversation. At this point, it seemed like the breeze was there just as our own personal air conditioner--turning it on and off with our voices. An hour or so later, we descended the tower and headed home.
A simple day to most that meant more to me than could have possibly been known. Conversing with the beautiful woman next to me while walking through a forest of trees and bushes was absolutely perfect. We didn't have to to anything but walk and hold each others hands, taking in God's creation while basking in the creation He has made and is continuing to build in our hearts.
Wednesday, June 13, 2012
The anti-feeling
Tonight, I tweeted that my advice to everyone would be to find someone that makes them feel happier than they ever thought possible. The more I think about that, the more I think I should have expanded upon that thought a little bit, so, here I am.
Aside from making you feel happier than you ever thought possible, I would argue you should find a person that doesn't make you feel things. The person that doesn't make you feel stupid or not intelligent. A person who doesn't make you feel like what you say doesn't matter or that your opinion isn't valid. A person who doesn't make you feel like your dreams are not reachable or that you're not good at something.
There are many more examples of that general idea, but it's about 1:43 a.m and I'm about falling asleep writing this.
Wanna know the best thing about this? I have someone like I listed above. My girlfriend, my best friend, Esther Nissen.
Aside from making you feel happier than you ever thought possible, I would argue you should find a person that doesn't make you feel things. The person that doesn't make you feel stupid or not intelligent. A person who doesn't make you feel like what you say doesn't matter or that your opinion isn't valid. A person who doesn't make you feel like your dreams are not reachable or that you're not good at something.
There are many more examples of that general idea, but it's about 1:43 a.m and I'm about falling asleep writing this.
Wanna know the best thing about this? I have someone like I listed above. My girlfriend, my best friend, Esther Nissen.
Monday, June 11, 2012
Boy that's refreshing
Have you ever been outside on a day where the sweat on your body seems to sweat? (Sweatception?) And you finally get that first drink of cold water? How refreshing is that drink of water? In my experience, that water might be the second most refreshing thing I've ever experienced.
Oh, what's the most refreshing thing I've ever experienced you ask? That my friends, would be the simple truth of having a best friend that you can tell anything and everything to. I have that best friend, who also happens to be my girlfriend--how fantastic is that?
Oh, what's the most refreshing thing I've ever experienced you ask? That my friends, would be the simple truth of having a best friend that you can tell anything and everything to. I have that best friend, who also happens to be my girlfriend--how fantastic is that?
Sunday, June 10, 2012
Perfection
Today was perfect.
There is nothing else that needs to be said about it, nor is there anything that could be said about it.
There is nothing else that needs to be said about it, nor is there anything that could be said about it.
Friday, June 8, 2012
Separate but equal is inherently sexist
Today I had breakfast with my best friend. Randomly, we somehow got on the topic of how females don't have to be drafted into the Armed Forces if the time ever comes again that a draft is necessary. I stated that if women want to be equal in the workplace, homefront, and every other area of the world, that it should be necessary for them to sign up for the draft and be on the front lines like other young men.
The words "sexist" and "feminist" get thrown around frequently in today's don't-piss-anyone-off-no-matter-what society. In my experience (not saying it is everyone's experience) the women are the ones who have started this movement. Let's get one thing straight, I am all for women's rights, but I am not for women's equality. Don't read too much into this, as I am not into men's equality either. There are some things in this world that men get to/have to/should get to do that women don't and arguably shouldn't do. There are also things that women get to/have to/should get to do that men should also not get the opportunity to do.
Why does everything have to be the same? Can't equal mean separate duties but equal participation/appreciation? Men will never bear children, but isn't it also true that women will never have to be drafted into the military? I hate to use that example again but it's all I can think of in this late hour. I blame the whole thought of separate things being unequal on the Brown v. Board of Education court hearing. Yes, I know that it was not a case about men's or women's rights, but rights of an entire race, but still, it has tainted our view of what equal is.
Moral of the story, lets let separate things sometimes be equal, not in amount or other physically observable things, but maybe in appreciation or participation.
The words "sexist" and "feminist" get thrown around frequently in today's don't-piss-anyone-off-no-matter-what society. In my experience (not saying it is everyone's experience) the women are the ones who have started this movement. Let's get one thing straight, I am all for women's rights, but I am not for women's equality. Don't read too much into this, as I am not into men's equality either. There are some things in this world that men get to/have to/should get to do that women don't and arguably shouldn't do. There are also things that women get to/have to/should get to do that men should also not get the opportunity to do.
Why does everything have to be the same? Can't equal mean separate duties but equal participation/appreciation? Men will never bear children, but isn't it also true that women will never have to be drafted into the military? I hate to use that example again but it's all I can think of in this late hour. I blame the whole thought of separate things being unequal on the Brown v. Board of Education court hearing. Yes, I know that it was not a case about men's or women's rights, but rights of an entire race, but still, it has tainted our view of what equal is.
Moral of the story, lets let separate things sometimes be equal, not in amount or other physically observable things, but maybe in appreciation or participation.
The future
Why does the future scare us (specifically me) so badly sometimes? Today, I had a mild meltdown on the sheer thought that I might fail my Praxis test coming up tomorrow. Why I'm taking time out of studying to write this is still beyond me, but, here I am.
The Bible says many times to not be worried about the future. Why do I do it though? I think my worries are largely due to my want to control things. I like to know exactly what I'm doing and what my plan is going to be through life. I don't like to plan activities, but I like to plan my life--wrap your mind around that.
I think this whole Praxis test has me worried because suddenly I'm doubting that I actually want to be a music teacher. I would love to teach people how to sing, as well as direct choirs, but what God has really laid on me lately is a heart for worship. Being a worship leader (or whatever you want to call it) is something I think I could devote my entire life to. Leading people to a place of worship, whether that be through music or another media, is something I feel called to do.
We'll see where it takes me.
The Bible says many times to not be worried about the future. Why do I do it though? I think my worries are largely due to my want to control things. I like to know exactly what I'm doing and what my plan is going to be through life. I don't like to plan activities, but I like to plan my life--wrap your mind around that.
I think this whole Praxis test has me worried because suddenly I'm doubting that I actually want to be a music teacher. I would love to teach people how to sing, as well as direct choirs, but what God has really laid on me lately is a heart for worship. Being a worship leader (or whatever you want to call it) is something I think I could devote my entire life to. Leading people to a place of worship, whether that be through music or another media, is something I feel called to do.
We'll see where it takes me.
Tuesday, June 5, 2012
Daily ramblings
It's an odd feeling knowing that your life is going exactly where you want it to.
38 For I am convinced that neither death nor life, neither angels nor demons,[a] neither the present nor the future, nor any powers, 39 neither height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God that is in Christ Jesus our Lord.
This verse is my favorite, but it is also one that is the hardest to comprehend in my opinion. What that says is NOTHING, not a single thing in the world, man-made or not, can SEPARATE us from the love of God. The word separate is they key here. It means that that love is here. Right now, that love is here. It doesn't come and go, it doesn't hide and show up only when we need it. The love of God through Christ Jesus is there ALL DAY.
If that doesn't make your night, I'm not sure what will.
Why do I say that's odd? Because if my life is going in the right direction now, that inherently means it was going in the wrong direction (at least periodically) for the last 22 years of my life. See how that could be odd/upsetting/strange?
While it still feels weird, it also feels perfect. It feels so perfect that I'll quote a movie that you're not expecting me to, The Exorcism of Emily Rose. "...no matter what mistakes I've made in the past, at that moment, I was exactly where I was meant to be. Like I was on the right path."
My entire life feels like I am right where I need to be. Amazing friends, a best friend that amazes me every single day, family, Savior, and a job (which I may or may not complain about too much--not everyone has a job they can complain about #blessed).
For some reason, throughout the day today, my favorite Bible verse has been playing in my mind.
Romans 8: 38-39
This verse is my favorite, but it is also one that is the hardest to comprehend in my opinion. What that says is NOTHING, not a single thing in the world, man-made or not, can SEPARATE us from the love of God. The word separate is they key here. It means that that love is here. Right now, that love is here. It doesn't come and go, it doesn't hide and show up only when we need it. The love of God through Christ Jesus is there ALL DAY.
If that doesn't make your night, I'm not sure what will.
Monday, June 4, 2012
Life after lockup
This past Sunday, Esther and I had to attend the 9:00 service at The Ransom because of work and other commitments. The service was wonderful as always, but one thing stood out to me. Seated to the left of us was a man both Esther and I recognized as a former inmate at the state penitentiary. For some reason, his face stood out from the hundreds of inmates that we saw in our two performances at the penitentiary's church services with the USF Concert Chorale. We didn't approach him after the service, but we both commented on how awesome it is that a man who was incarcerated in a state penitentiary ,for whatever reason, was convicted somehow to continue a walk with Christ. Now, I know I don't know his story or why he was in the pen or what his life was like before his incarceration, but the fact that we saw him at a church service made me so thankful that we have a God that reaches to the places (sometimes the very last places) that people often forget about. No matter where you are in your life, I can almost guarantee it's a better position than being in a state penitentiary. And God even reaches people there! It's beautiful to know that even in the darkest places of our lives, the Holy Spirit can be and is alive and well.
Sunday, June 3, 2012
Mine
There are a whole lot of things in the world I call mine.
I have a car, a room, a family, a job (sometimes I don't claim it), and a Savior, just to name a few. One thing I have had a hard time calling "mine" in my lifetime has been a church. I grew up in a church that my grandfather preached in. Inherently, that was the church we as a family attended on Sunday. There weren't a whole lot of kids my age there, and as we grew up, there were even less that cared about coming to church for the purpose of spiritual growth, and more that showed up because their parents managed to drag them out of bed for some empty promise of a buffet at Pizza Ranch after the service. This was extremely hard for me. I grew apart from my youth group; mostly because there were no kids my age that attended, but also because the kids that did attend were very in tune with growing socially, and not so much spiritually. I went to college and kind of had a hard time finding a church. I went to a few--Celebrate, Oak Hills--that seemed alright, but didn't really feel like "mine". I'm a firm believer that if you are meant to be at a church, that God is going to let you know in lightning fashion. I got extremely discouraged.
Recently, thanks to one amazing individual, I started attending The Ransom on a regular basis. Automatically, this church felt like it was mine. In that building, God moves in ways I cannot explain. The pastors are not concerned with what people want to hear. Rather, they are concerned with what people NEED to hear. It's a bit intimidating sometimes though, knowing that you're walking into a place where, sans the pastor saying your name out loud, you're going to be called out. However, even with that happening, I have never been more comfortable being called out in my entire life.
I have a car, a room, a family, a job (sometimes I don't claim it), and a Savior, just to name a few. One thing I have had a hard time calling "mine" in my lifetime has been a church. I grew up in a church that my grandfather preached in. Inherently, that was the church we as a family attended on Sunday. There weren't a whole lot of kids my age there, and as we grew up, there were even less that cared about coming to church for the purpose of spiritual growth, and more that showed up because their parents managed to drag them out of bed for some empty promise of a buffet at Pizza Ranch after the service. This was extremely hard for me. I grew apart from my youth group; mostly because there were no kids my age that attended, but also because the kids that did attend were very in tune with growing socially, and not so much spiritually. I went to college and kind of had a hard time finding a church. I went to a few--Celebrate, Oak Hills--that seemed alright, but didn't really feel like "mine". I'm a firm believer that if you are meant to be at a church, that God is going to let you know in lightning fashion. I got extremely discouraged.
Recently, thanks to one amazing individual, I started attending The Ransom on a regular basis. Automatically, this church felt like it was mine. In that building, God moves in ways I cannot explain. The pastors are not concerned with what people want to hear. Rather, they are concerned with what people NEED to hear. It's a bit intimidating sometimes though, knowing that you're walking into a place where, sans the pastor saying your name out loud, you're going to be called out. However, even with that happening, I have never been more comfortable being called out in my entire life.
Saturday, June 2, 2012
One day to rule them all
Today, was one of the best days I can ever remember.
Esther and I went to the Palisades, where she quickly showed she is much better at free climbing than I am. We went all over that park and eventually ended up on a rock about three feet away from the bank with water flowing around it. It was a perfect spot; just in the shade with a slight breeze. It felt perfect. The night went on and we went to eat and began to watch The Exorcism of Emily Rose. This movie has always scared me to the core. Tonight, it scared me, but not as badly as it always has. Tonight, the move reminded me of exactly how big and immense our God is. For those of you who don't know (I'm speaking like 500 people read this thing haha) The Exorcism of Emily Rose is obviously about an exorcism of a girl named Emily Rose. This movie is based largely off of the tape recording of the actual exorcism that happened in real life. Emily was said to have six demons inside of her, one of them being the devil himself. At the end of the movie, when everything was said and done, there is a scene (I wont ruin it for anyone that decides to read this) that reminds me as the watcher that God can overcome the devil and 5 of his minions! God can overcome EVERYTHING if we just lean on Him in a moment of weakness. Too often we put our faith in people or things, when (as cliche as it sounds) we should put faith in the only being that has shown us that they will be eternally faithful; God.
Esther and I went to the Palisades, where she quickly showed she is much better at free climbing than I am. We went all over that park and eventually ended up on a rock about three feet away from the bank with water flowing around it. It was a perfect spot; just in the shade with a slight breeze. It felt perfect. The night went on and we went to eat and began to watch The Exorcism of Emily Rose. This movie has always scared me to the core. Tonight, it scared me, but not as badly as it always has. Tonight, the move reminded me of exactly how big and immense our God is. For those of you who don't know (I'm speaking like 500 people read this thing haha) The Exorcism of Emily Rose is obviously about an exorcism of a girl named Emily Rose. This movie is based largely off of the tape recording of the actual exorcism that happened in real life. Emily was said to have six demons inside of her, one of them being the devil himself. At the end of the movie, when everything was said and done, there is a scene (I wont ruin it for anyone that decides to read this) that reminds me as the watcher that God can overcome the devil and 5 of his minions! God can overcome EVERYTHING if we just lean on Him in a moment of weakness. Too often we put our faith in people or things, when (as cliche as it sounds) we should put faith in the only being that has shown us that they will be eternally faithful; God.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)